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The American Dream is Now Everyone’s Reality

I’m pursuing my dream of becoming a famous toilet. because if I don’t do what I love… IMG: Toilet John tap dancing Then I’ll have no job. IMG: Robots taking over desk jobs

I wish I could just live up here

Toilet John is… getting pooped on by 1 of the 85 Richest People on Earth.

Toilet John is reading the newspaper noting a recent report: Suddenly, Toilet John recognizes 1 of the 85 richest people on earth!  He is about to dump in him…. Toilet John remembers the other 3.5 billion people that have pooped in him. As far as Toilet John can remember, they all pooped the same way. […]

Toilet John is a.. Web Junkie!

Compulsive Internet use has been categorized as a mental health issue in many countries. China was among the first to label “Internet addiction” a clinical disorder. Toilet John is being sent to China to be “deprogrammed”… However, they’ve never treated a toilet before so their military-inspired physical training treatment doesn’t work… and Toilet John doesn’t speak Chinese, […]

Toilet John is… a Scribe for an Emergency Room Physician

Toilet John is a scribe for an Emergency Room Physician… Toilet John allows the Emergency Room Physician to see up to four extra patients a day. The Doctor doesn’t have to spend his precious time working on clerical work that could be done by someone else… However, Toilet John wasn’t trained in the medical profession. […]

Toilet John is… preparing for the Polar Vortex descending upon the U.S.

In order to prepare for the snowpocalypse descending upon much of the U.S., Toilet John changed his Facebook status to “freezing”, stocked up on Charmin Ultra from the local grocery store, and tells everyone that is coming to poop on him to… Aren’t you glad you’re not a toilet during the polar vortex? Love,     […]

Toilet John is… reviewing his life in 2013.

Toilet John had quite an eventful year in 2013.  Below is a list of key events that took place in Toilet John’s life in 2013. Toilet John went on a date and got barfed in by a blind woman. Toilet John went to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner and got chased down by his loved ones […]

Toilet John is.. Drinking.

Toilet John is back to work after the holidays and is hung-over. He will be back next week better than ever. Love,                        Toilet John

Toilet John is… Surfing.

Toilet John decides to go surfing, but because he lives in LA he wants to look sexy in his wet suit… However, surf shops don’t make wetsuits for toilets, so John decides to buy a banana hammock instead… Toilet John paddles out from shore, when the cold ocean water causes his porcelain to crack. Scared he […]

Toilet John Satire